Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Take a chill pill! Actually, i think i'll have one too...

This week I came back to school. Brilliant! NOT! In the first class we had on Tuesday, English, we got a lecture about our behaviour and work before we had even the chance to cause trouble. We were told to start focusing and to ‘pull up our socks’. Does that phrase drive anyone else mad? ‘Pull up your socks’! Every teacher uses it. In primary school I always remember being so confused when a teacher said that, and up to second class, I always took it literally... who was a dipshit? Nikki was a dipshit! Yey go me. So day one back in school after the midterm and the TY year are already getting into shit. For no obvious reason.



And computers, well that was just super... I’m convinced that Ms. Watson is schizophrenic. One minute she was grand, just her usual kind-of-annoying self, then, she freaked, and I mean TOTALLY freaked. Unfortunately she happed to have this freak while standing in front of Eloise’s computer. Considering that we had been given out shite to already before the day even started, it was obvious that she was going to start bitching at us. So now we are the worst TY class that she has ever had. We are also the most talkative class she has ever had, which is a lie! My third junior cycle base class was like MEGA noisy and talkative. And she had us! So she told this all to us through screams and proceeded to smash down on Eloise’s computer with a closed fist. The poor girl got such a shock! Shockingly the comp actually still worked after its beating. So we are officially ‘the worst class in the school’ according to the teachers. That’s right! Just kick the TY class when they’re down! So today we got a lecture off Mr. Sweeney too, because he heard the schizophrenic screaming throughout the corridors. Fucking wonderful. Hah typical!

Tomorrow there is a school retreat that I suppose I should be going to. This week has been such a bad week for me. Things just keep getting worse and worse. I so fricken stressed out at the moment when I shouldn’t be. You know that feeling you get in your chest when you get oh so very stressed? I have that. It’s like a massive lump sitting in my chest. I don’t want to go on the retreat. I just don’t feel like having a wissshy washy ‘let’s talk about our feelings’ session thank you very much... I'm never too fond of retreats but I can usually stick them for just one day. This time, I can’t even think about going in. I will probably end up screaming at someone. I don’t know what’s happening with me. I'm such a freak. I can’t even stay sane for a week.

No one is happy with me now. They all want me to go on the retreat but I won’t so now one or two people aren’t talking to me. I know they want me to go, but I just need to be selfish this week. People keep telling me ‘well you’re going to be on your own’ but if I'm honest, that’s the best part about not going. I really need some alone time or something, I just don’t want to lash out at anyone, as I said, I'm not in the right state of mind this week.

On the bright side, my choir show is on Saturday and I have my solo down cold! I love the song, it’s just so sweet. I guess if your reading and you were one of my few friends to buy a ticket, I guess you will hear me sing it live. Today, some of the girls who sing this part of a song with me weren’t at rehearsals so I had to sing by myself at the mike. I didn’t mind at all! Now Ian (my choir director) knows that I can sing high without screeching haha! He always just assumes I have a booming voice that’s mad deep, it’s nice to see a change in his opinion. He finally knows my name and is constantly asking me to sing certain parts in songs which is pretty awesome!

I was just thinking, I'm pretty lucky in the way I am never nervous in front of an audience. Of course I will be shitting myself right up until the point where I start singing, but after that, it’s not nerve wrecking, it just fun! First big show =] but I have to go to 30 seconds to mars first on Friday! As all females know, Jared Leto is probably the most gorgeous man on earth... oh my. So I should have no bother waiting through Friday! *sigh*

Anyway, all of you, have a wonderful Thursday. I can assure you that it will be a far better Thursday for you than it will be for me.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Shh!


Did you ever have something you didn’t want to, or just couldn’t tell anyone? Something that either you’re ashamed about or something you feel you would be judged for? It’s just one tiny little fact that can be explained in one sentence, yet it manages to weigh on your mind like a thousand tonnes. Sometimes you can forget about this little fact, sometimes, it doesn’t even bother you. Sometimes, you can forget. Then, a situation arises that reminds you, and the little fact that was hiding in the shadows at the back of your mind, is dragged, screaming and kicking, out into the piercing light. Then, your breathing gets more difficult and your chest becomes tight as you remember that this information can’t be shared with anyone. So, you leave it there, sitting in your mind, wishing that someone would figure it out so you could let it go and lift the weight. You collect yourself and force yourself to relax. You crack a smile to show a cool façade to all those around you. Then you force yourself to forget about it once more.

Secrets. There is such a fine line between a secret and a lie. Secrets can sometimes be confused as lies. We have all had this problem. We have all been accused of lying when really, we just don’t want to expose a secret. There is a difference. Lies are made up to fool someone, to lead them in to the wrong way of seeing a situation or a person. A secret is just a bit of information left out. No false statement is used. Secrets are sometimes seen as lies, for example; when a person is asked directly about the topic of a secret and gives a false answer, this was just to protect a secret, it was not necessarily a lie.

The world of secrets and lies is a very confusing one. All I know is that I have two secrets. One is perhaps a more personal one, while the other, although also being personal, doesn’t directly affect my day to day life. These aren’t petty secrets that silly girls use to gossip about the lunch hall. These are secrets which prove to be annoying to keep yet impossible to tell. It’s the judgement and the embarrassment I fear. While I have found it in me to share one of these secrets with a few people, one remains kept. It continues to occupy my mind. But I'm sure that by now it’s used to hiding in the shadows at the back of my thoughts.

You never know, maybe one day it will all be said and I’ll be glad to get it off my chest. As I have learned, secrets are never secrets for too long.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

It's always Pancake Wednesday in the Hell Hotel!


Tonight I'm writing this while sitting on my bed eating left over chicken curry. And even though it’s made with Quorn chicken, it’s still a good curry!

The pancake party on Tuesday was just the hilarity! Sadly I didn’t turn up for it until about 11pm, but that was only because my choir rehearsal ran way overtime, so I can’t really be to blame.

Anyway, it was such an enjoyable night! Although, I did manage to miss the key moment of the party due to my late arrival: the pancakes. Naturally, I was devastated, but after a few giggles and an unexpected slap from a good friend, I got over it. But it still felt weird not getting all fat for pancake Tuesday...

There were 7 of us at the party, 8 if you include my friend’s possibly homosexual dog who took a keen interest in my other friend’s crotch. As per a usual sleepover, there were blankets and cushions everywhere to be seen and an abundance of cheeky comments to be made. After a few hours of fun and frolics (which included myself singing under a snooker table while eating a candy cane), we sat down to watch Ice Age 3! What an awesome movie. I highly recommend all who read this to watch it. Eventually as we all began to fall asleep, I slid into the next room and passed out on a mattress that I knew I would have all to myself.

(this was just a cute, unrelated photo)

The real fun began the next day when we went to bring the slightly homosexual dog for a walk. I kind of messed with my friend’s head using false text messages. I just thought, ‘oh hey, let’s freak him out!’ and it totally worked. I think he was genuinely scared... Basically we sent him messages from an 'admirer'. A gay admirer, telling my friend of his affections for him and such. Yeah... it didn’t go down well! He was very close to tears. At the time he blamed me for this admirer (for a number of reasons unrelated to the fact that I wrote the texts myself) and threatened to tie me to the tracks of a local train route. Then I was thinking ‘hmm, I'm so going straight to hell for this’. And if I hadn’t told him the truth as he went home, I'm sure I still be on that very same path to the flames right now.

Anyway, so this talk of hell sparked an interesting conversation with the group about ‘what hell is’. After a long conversation on the topic, we came to a conclusion! Here is the direct explanation of the word ‘Hell’ as taken from ‘The Nicolopolus book of definitions and understandings; 2010’

‘Hell: A large hotel with many, many floors. Each sinner is booked into a room in the hotel and the higher your floor is from the ground, the most sins you’ve committed. There is no lift in the Hell Hotel so you must walk to your room up flights and flights of stairs. If you are the most evil of sinners, you will forever be in a paradox; after you have reached your room on one of the higher floors, it will be time for breakfast so you must walk all the way back down to get breakfast before it is finished. Then when you return to your room, it will be time for breakfast again. But if you are the most evil of sinners, when you get there, Breakfast will be over and it will be so late in the evening by then that it will be time for you to go back to your room. If you are only a medium rate sinner however, you will reach the food hall in time for dinner at least.’

(love in the flames)

I think it’s a good interpretation! This made us laugh for quite a while! And I just thought id share it with you all now.

After the walk, we made Ash Wednesday into Pancake Wednesday and made loads of pancakes in the kitchen. So even though I missed the pancakes on pancake Tuesday, I got them on my own, personal made pancake Wednesday!

So in total, it was a very good day. I have awesome friends. And no matter how many pranks i pull, they should know i love them.

Did you guys do anything fun for Pancake Tuesday?

Feel free to share your day too =]

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Emo Black Abyss Bush


It is Tuesday the 16th of February. It is a calm day. There is no wind, no sun and no rain. Unless of corse you count my mother, who is attacking the gutters with a power washer, as rain. Two days ago she decided that we can’t wollow any longer! For her, the opposite of wollowing involves hacking away at the forest of overgrown shrubs in the front garden. So, every morning I grab the broken garden fork, the clippers, my sturdy garden gloves and our rusty wheelbarrow (which is in fact so rusty that it has a hole in the bottom of it). Then I stare at our version of the ‘forbidden forest’ from Harry Potter wondering where on earth I'm supposed to start...

I'm pretty sure I would be working more efficiently on the garden if I actually cared about my house and its appearance. For years it has been a kip. It was always ‘under renovation’ or being ‘done up’ as my father put it, to anyone who dared to walk through it. It has been in this state since I was 2 years old. I think it’s time to stop telling people it’s under renovation and start telling people that it’s just a kip. And it is just a kip. When I think about it, my house could be a lovely, warm and homely cottage. It needs to be loved, and I, well I really just don’t care enough to make that happen .


Most teenagers are always being nagged about cleaning their rooms. You should see mine. I'm sitting in it right now. Stuff EVERYWHERE. You can barely walk in it! Books piled up in random places, shoes strewn everywhere. A mountain of clothes in front of my wardrobe and I go to sleep every night surrounded by pillows and cushions with no covers on them. My room would be a dream for Kim and Aggie. They could make a whole new show with it, ‘Kim and Aggie’s dormitory disasters!’. Perhaps it would make me money. Ask any of my friends, some of whom I've been friends with for a few years now, and they will tell you that even they haven't been in my room before. I suppose I should be glad I can’t have sleepovers in my house. And yeah I probably should be ashamed of myself for letting it get so bad but as you can probably tell by now, the main theme of this entry is of me not caring.

Now as I write this, my mother has walked back inside the house, looking as if she has just walked through a tornado rather than the front door. Her jumper looks like it’s just been put through a wash and her trousers resemble a fisherman’s after he’s been out to fetch his daily catch. Thankfully I have just made dinner so she can warm herself up. She is some picture of persistence. The woman will do anything if she can find enough cause in her head to do it. I gave up a few hours ago and decided I was going to make dinner and write this. But I do have to admit that the front garden does look a fraction better now. At least when my friends drop me home I won’t be getting out of the car only to fall into a thorny hedge.

Oh and for all you green fingered people out there, I, today, have renamed a plant. The cause of so many scrapes while walking through my garden has been caused by this plant called the ‘Wild Rose Bush’. Since I have started to cut it back, it has cut me too many times than I can remember. Strangely though, the only place it can find to cut me is on the insides and back of my wrists. Now I assume this is because that’s where my gloves end and my jumper begins, but either way, its still hacking at my wrists! Therefore, the ‘Wild Rose Bush’ has now been renamed the ‘Emo Black Abyss Bush’. Very suiting don’t you think?

It is Tuesday the 16th of February, but it isn’t just any old Tuesday... its pancake Tuesday! Although I think pancake Tuesday is a day used as an excuse to get fat, I suppose I must mark it all the same... so tonight I am off to a pancake party at a friends... I can feel the pounds heaping on already! But that might just be the fact that I made too much mash potato for dinner today...



Anyway, have a great fat day!

(no seriously in French, pancake Tuesday , ‘Mardi Gras’, litrally means fat Tuesday! The French copped on far earlier than the rest of the world did!)


Monday, February 15, 2010

And So I Begin.

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'Self-sabotage is the smartest thing you can do if you're sabotaging a self that is not really you.'

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I really am not the type to follow the crowd. I do what I want whether or not my choices suit other people and their ‘cliques’. I wear whatever clothes,I don't care if they are 'so last season' or not. I don't have a particular hair style and I don't mind going out without any make up on. Why? because I know that having the latest clothes and hairstyle isn't going to make me happy. Being myself is what is going to make me happy.Why should I follow the crowd when I can be myself and become the one unique person out of millions?

I never follow the crowd. Today was different i guess.

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself wanting to start a blog, just like millions of other people in the world. Then, today, I found myself actually creating an online blog. And now, I am writing one. Does this make me part of a ‘crowd’? I didn’t decide to create a blog to become a part of this ‘crowd’, so in my opinion, I’m still that individual and unique girl I was before the creation of this blog. Perhaps...




Well, a blog is a place for someone to show their opinions and their views, their unique opinions and views. So technically, I'm still my individual self. Phew! If I hadn’t cleared that one up, next I would have been dying my hair yellow and lathering orange muck (disguised as make-up) on my face.

Speaking of that certain clique a friend and I call ‘The Yellows’, does no one else notice this strange group of people who seem to be taking over Irish teenagers at the moment? Thankfully the general idea of ‘The Yellows’ seems to only effecting the female population of Ireland, but even so I think it must be stopped. Basically (I can’t believe I just used that word), ‘The Yellows’ are a girls who try their best to become clones of one another. They all dye their hair peroxide blonde and cake themselves in orange ‘Make-up’. I honestly can’t understand this. Why do all these girls want to look like this? And it can’t be for the male attention because I consulted several male friends of mine and they don’t think it looks good at all. First of all, maintaining hair of such a colour must be a nightmare, especially if you are a natural brunette. I have to say I admire them for their dedication to this hair colour because it must take a lot of work to keep such a colour. Unfortunately while the hair colour has the possibility of being acceptable on its own, its accompaniment with orange make up has no excuse. The way I see it, the whole point of foundation, is to give the illusion of smoothness and flawlessness to a person’s skin. How is this achieved if it is possible to clearly see the where the layers and layers of foundation have been applied? It’s even worst that some of these girls don’t wash off their makeup every day. Think of their skin! Clogged from daily application of this muck, never to be washed off! I actually feel slightly smothered thinking about it. Over time it begins to look like actual muck. This brown build up on the neck of the makeup wearer begins to look like pure dirt. Am I the only one who sees this?!

I understand how horrible I sound. I do. For this reason I haven’t even touched on the subject of fake tan. And I know I'm not perfect, I just wish I could understand why these girls do this to themselves.

I suppose I started this rant mostly because I don’t understand ‘The Yellows’. Yes I have criticized them and perhaps been a bit harsh towards them throughout this rant but in the end, I do realise that it’s up to them to do whatever they want, the same way it is my decision to be myself. I know I shouldn’t really comment on what I don’t understand, but how else will I hope to understand them! *sigh*

What’s really so difficult about being yourself? It takes absolutely no effort and more people love you for it. I wouldn’t want to be friends with a clone when I could be friends with a person who thinks for themselves.


Please comment below if you have anything to say to me or if you agree, just so I know I'm not the only one who noticed this!




Just be yourself and stand out from the crowd, it won't hurt.
:)