Shh!

Did you ever have something you didn’t want to, or just couldn’t tell anyone? Something that either you’re ashamed about or something you feel you would be judged for? It’s just one tiny little fact that can be explained in one sentence, yet it manages to weigh on your mind like a thousand tonnes. Sometimes you can forget about this little fact, sometimes, it doesn’t even bother you. Sometimes, you can forget. Then, a situation arises that reminds you, and the little fact that was hiding in the shadows at the back of your mind, is dragged, screaming and kicking, out into the piercing light. Then, your breathing gets more difficult and your chest becomes tight as you remember that this information can’t be shared with anyone. So, you leave it there, sitting in your mind, wishing that someone would figure it out so you could let it go and lift the weight. You collect yourself and force yourself to relax. You crack a smile to show a cool façade to all those around you. Then you force yourself to forget about it once more.

Secrets. There is such a fine line between a secret and a lie. Secrets can sometimes be confused as lies. We have all had this problem. We have all been accused of lying when really, we just don’t want to expose a secret. There is a difference. Lies are made up to fool someone, to lead them in to the wrong way of seeing a situation or a person. A secret is just a bit of information left out. No false statement is used. Secrets are sometimes seen as lies, for example; when a person is asked directly about the topic of a secret and gives a false answer, this was just to protect a secret, it was not necessarily a lie.

The world of secrets and lies is a very confusing one. All I know is that I have two secrets. One is perhaps a more personal one, while the other, although also being personal, doesn’t directly affect my day to day life. These aren’t petty secrets that silly girls use to gossip about the lunch hall. These are secrets which prove to be annoying to keep yet impossible to tell. It’s the judgement and the embarrassment I fear. While I have found it in me to share one of these secrets with a few people, one remains kept. It continues to occupy my mind. But I'm sure that by now it’s used to hiding in the shadows at the back of my thoughts.

You never know, maybe one day it will all be said and I’ll be glad to get it off my chest. As I have learned, secrets are never secrets for too long.